The Fundamentals

The tale of the fundaMentals, or The 'Mentals to be brief Began in mythic legend and will end to much relief Danger Dan and Billy!!! met in a graveyard late at night And they knew when they first spoke that neither was quite right Billy!!! was a drummer, and Dan played lead guitar And both believed that rock and roll was needing C.P.R. "We need to start a garage band!" Danger Dan exclaimed Billy!!! agreed completely, which just proved that he's insane They stuck it out together, an unlikely pair it seems One had monkeys in his attic, one a Nature Boy supreme They spent years a-searching for the right men for this crew To carry out these rock and roll feats of derring-do Til one night at the crossroads, The Icon did appear Running from his psycho ex with nothing but his gear He played guitar and sang if you can really call it such His ego was astounding, his talent not so much Danger Dan approached him with Billy!!! at his side He put out his hand and said "Let's take this nationwide!" The Icon looked them over, and thought it a bit queer That the drummer wore a pirate hat and his drumsticks smelled like beer But The Icon spoke these words, and the world shall not forget it "Okay you can count me in, though I'm sure I'll regret it" The search was on for thunder, a man who played the bass Many came and went but no one really rocked the place Mad Bomber stepped into their view as the lightning flashed Some 'Mentals were impressed by him, and some were merely trashed He said "I'll play the bass for you, you'll feel me shake the floor But you don't want to tick me off, I've blown shit up before" They moved to Billy!!!'s living room, none could afford garages Readying to tour the world's bars and Mason Lodges Then Big Hoss appeared one night , blocking light in all the room "I want to join a rockin’ band but I'll settle for you goons" He brought style to the 'Mentals, his keyboards brought some class And if he hadn't been so big he would have been out on his ass For The 'Mentals weren't classy, and their aim was far from true But Hoss was in the building, wasn't diddley they could do They worked hard on rocking, rising at the crack of noon They showed how to go from music buff to straight buffoon The people celebrated them, in toast they raised their cups “Those ‘Mentals kept on rockin’ right until the cops showed up!” They rocked bars and barmitzvahs, festivals and halls Some bands had more talent but no one had bigger balls They played it loud and sloppy, they always walked the walk They would have been much better off if they just didn’t talk Then Billy!!! left the band and the faithful they did wail The band said "Whatcha bitchin' 'bout? We're glad he's not in jail" The search began for drummers to fill this massive gap To find the man to keep them from becoming Spinal Tap Danger Dan, he hugged a tree, The Icon looked askance The Mad Bomber blew shit up and Big Hoss dropped his pants They searched the whole world over, they looked cradle to grave Then a little hairy dude wandered from a cave He said "They call me Caveman, I sing and play the drums And I don't have enough sense not to join up with you bums" The band was back in business and the faithful did rejoice They hijacked a friends garage and started making 'Mental noise They lived the spirit of rock and roll and that cannot be bought Please if you would be so kind, keep the ‘Mentals in your thoughts For the Devil doesn’t want them, and they’ll never get to Heaven Doomed to rock the Earth alone with their amps turned to 11. Read more on Last.fm. User-contributed text is available under the Creative Commons By-SA License; additional terms may apply.